Happy birthday, Papa.

Nagising ako ngayong umaga minutes before my alarm, nagkayayaan magbisikleta bigla at dahil tinatamad ako talaga, kumonsulta muna ako ng tarot cards. Ang sabi, change is in the atmosphere daw. I should let go and stop being stagnant. Strawberry supermoon din in Sagittarius mamayang gabi. Kagabi nga, ang ganda na ng kinang niya, saktong sakto kung san ako nakahiga, andun siya, nanlalandi. Lumabas daw ako at silipin siya. 

Magandang umaga mula sa footbridge sa may Sta. Lucia

Medyo malayo-layo yung meetup point. Inakyat ko si Jackie sa footbridge at nasilayan ang napakagandang umaga. Binagtas ko ang kahabaan ng Imelda Ave at nagreminisce ako ng highschool days. Sa kanto ng Junction, may space dun na bakante. Dating beerhouse yun. Stockholder si papa dun dahil nag-invest siya ng maraming oras sa gabi, at maraming salapi. Kumbaga ba, bago pa makauwi sa bahay ang sweldo niya, dun na naiintrega. 

Dapat sana, sa may bandang Boso-boso ako pupunta. Pupuntahan ko sana ang libingan ni papa. Tagal ko na ring hindi sumisilip dun kahit pa ang lapit na lang talaga niya sakin.  Mga 19 kms of ahon. Basic. 

Charot lang.

Death changes people. In his death, I was reborn in many ways. In his death I have found remnants of him in almost all the gemini's who crossed my path. My dad after all, has a stellium in Gemini.

Sabi nila, a daughter is a father's karma. I used to believe that. I used to believe that my father's sins has a direct effect on my decisions, my choices, my life. Dumating sa point na I accepted that fate. 

Until one day, it didn't make sense anymore. He's gone, and I can't even point fingers at him saying: Kung naging mabait ka sana, ganito, ganyan, etcetera. Now, I see him as lesson I had to learn so I could move forward with a stronger, better belief system. Sabi nga ni Rudy Francisco: 

Muscle is created by repeatedly lifting things that have been designed to weigh us down. So when your shoulders feel heavy, stand up straight and lift your chin – call it exercise. When the world crumbles around you, you have to look at the wreckage and then build a new one out of the pieces that are still here.

Remember, you are still here. 

So happy birthday, papa. Salamat at tinuro mo sakin na ang sukatan ng masarap na dinuguan ay yung lumalangoy ito sa sarili niyang mantika. Salamat sa maraming iba pa na itinuro mo sakin at maraming ibang hindi. Papa,  I am not your karma.